Professor Paddle: Dumb Questions
Professor Paddle Professor Paddle
  RegisterRegister  LoginLogin
Home Calendar Forum FSBO Gallery PPages Reviews Rivers Trips Links
  Active TopicsActive Topics  Display List of Forum MembersMemberlist  Search The ForumSearch
Whitewater Forum
 Professor Paddle : General : Whitewater Forum
Message Icon Topic: Dumb Questions Post Reply Post New Topic
Author Message
PowWrangler
PP Junkie
PP Junkie
Avatar

Joined: 04 Jul 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 793
  Quote PowWrangler Replybullet Topic: Dumb Questions
    Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:04pm
You guys ever get asked dumb questions by friends/family/co-workers when it comes to kayaking?
 
I have a couple kayaking photos hanging up in my office that instigate comments once in awhile.  Just a minute ago an admin from another department saw the pics and asked me about them. 
 
Her:   "So is there a group you pay that sets those things up for you"?
 
Me:  "Uhh, no we drive ourselves up there"
 
Her:   "Oh cool.   Hey, did you hear they're bringing artificial snow up to   Snoqualmie Pass so they can open one of the hills this weekend??"
 
Me:    O'rly?? 
 
 
I know I'm being a bit hard on 'em, but wow they come off as funny.
 
Here's the one I hear the most:
 
Sooo, do you go with anyone when you do that??
 
 
I'm sure the raft guides out there can share plenty of good ones......
 
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Camrun
Paddler
Paddler
Avatar

Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 81
  Quote Camrun Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:13pm
Are your feet in front of you or behind you?
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Yotes
Big Boofer
Big Boofer
Avatar
Daddy Dutch Oven

Joined: 30 Oct 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 703
  Quote Yotes Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:21pm
What if you flip over?
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Kyle K
Splat Wheeler
Splat Wheeler


Joined: 27 May 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 149
  Quote Kyle K Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:26pm
Some raft guide classics:
 
"How deep is the river?"
"Do we take out back at the put in?"
"So, what do you do for a living?"
 
And the classic answer to the question "How many times have you been down this river?"
..... "Counting this time and the next, that'll make two."
"I used to be somebody, now I'm somebody else." Bad Blake                  
IP IP Logged Send Private Message
JoesKayak
Rio Banditos
Rio Banditos
Avatar

Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1201
  Quote JoesKayak Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:32pm
Originally posted by Kyle K

Some raft guide classics:
 
"How deep is the river?"
"Do we take out back at the put in?"
"So, what do you do for a living?"
 
And the classic answer to the question "How many times have you been down this river?"
..... "Counting this time and the next, that'll make two."



Ha ha... I got the "how deep" question on the Skagit a couple years ago... about a minute after we launched... I looked over the side and said "about 3 feet"

The same person later on commented on how pretty the different colors in the snow on the mountainside were... (it was because there was a clearcut  up there )
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Tobin
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1845
  Quote Tobin Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:44pm
 Where are the rocks in the river? 
   Uhhhh,  the bottom?
 
At what elevation do the deer become elk?
 
No serious are there any wildlife biologist around? 
Sure?
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
JoesKayak
Rio Banditos
Rio Banditos
Avatar

Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1201
  Quote JoesKayak Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:47pm
My all time favorite:

You're going out THIS weekend? It's raining out!!!!!!!!!!!
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
franzhorner
Big Boofer
Big Boofer
Avatar
outdoors music woodwork

Joined: 01 Mar 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 745
  Quote franzhorner Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:48pm
How deep is the river??  Chest-high on  a duck!

One time after rolling up a raft a customer asked how much it wieghed when it was deflated.  I told him about the same as when it was inflated!!

One time I had a guy asked me if it was a good idea to keep his cell phone in his pocket under his wetsuit!  Then he asked if we are "going IN the river?...

One time a customer on a bald eagle float asked what time we leave the eagles out of their cages in the morning....

You can usually always answer with one of these three replies:

depends on the water level
up around the next bend
5 or 10 minutes




Edited by franzhorner - 10 Dec 2007 at 3:49pm
MORE RAIN PLEASE
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
arnobarno
Big Boofer
Big Boofer
Avatar

Joined: 04 Nov 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 450
  Quote arnobarno Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:50pm
So, you went downhill, what happens when you hit the bottom?  Is it hard to paddle back to the beginning?
arn9schaeffer@gmail.com (remove 9 for my real email address)
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
JoesKayak
Rio Banditos
Rio Banditos
Avatar

Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1201
  Quote JoesKayak Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:51pm
Also on the flip side, as a raft guide you get to tell all kinds of horrendous lies... and people believe them! For example:

-- Many Wenatchee guides tell their peeps that the aqueduct you see from the  river is an apple juice pipeline

-- Whitewater turns white because the river is creating salt... that is how the ocean's salt gets replenished

-- Rivers run uphill south of the equator
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
JoesKayak
Rio Banditos
Rio Banditos
Avatar

Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1201
  Quote JoesKayak Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 3:52pm
Originally posted by arnobarno

So, you went downhill, what happens when you hit the bottom?  Is it hard to paddle back to the beginning?



I'm still waiting to hit bottom.
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
jojo
Paddler
Paddler
Avatar

Joined: 28 Aug 2007
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 66
  Quote jojo Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 4:07pm
I had a client on six day Salmon trip say he wished that he had his RV to sleep in at night.  When I mentioned that RVs don't float to well he said he would take turns with his wife driving down the road along the river.  I told him there was no road and he got super freaked out for a bit.  This was the third day.  Some are more observant than others.
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
PowWrangler
PP Junkie
PP Junkie
Avatar

Joined: 04 Jul 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 793
  Quote PowWrangler Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 4:26pm
A few more from my buddy who used to guide on the Arkansas:
 
How dry are the wetsuits?
 

Does the river go in a circle?

Is the raft on a track?
 
I didn't know we were gonna be getting wet!
 
If we're paddling the raft, how come we need you?
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Kyle K
Splat Wheeler
Splat Wheeler


Joined: 27 May 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 149
  Quote Kyle K Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 4:38pm
Jojo, that RV guy is a classic all to himself!
 
Here are two classic Grand Canyon guide yarns:
 
Side Hill Galoots: This animal is a cousin of the bighorn sheep. It has shorter legs on one side of it's body to facilitate walking on the steep talus slopes. How does it travel in the other direction, you ask? Why ma'am, it heads the other direction by swimming across the river to the other side so it's short legs will always be uphill.
 
Indian Dick Rapid: This is actually a real rapid in the "Roaring Twenties" section of the canyon, near mile 23. As you approach the rapid a tall rock formation appears on river right, directly alongside the rapid. While this formation is actually a large, wide slab that has fallen from the right side cliff, from upstream you are only seeing the edge and it looks a lot like a giant, well, er, ah, ahem... dick. Think 150' phallus here folks. Pretty impressive if you're into that kind of thing.  
 
Typically what happens goes something like this: Boat is approaching rapid. Guide casually mentions that this rapid is named "Indian Dick". At least one passenger never fails to ask who Indian Dick was.  Guide says something like "He was a famous beaver trapper back in the day". As the boat gets closer to the rapid the formation comes into view in all it's glory. Usually one of the quick witted passengers notices the unmistakable namesake of Indian Dick and starts to laugh out loud, pointing it out to everyone else. Guide is all smiles and knows he/she will likely get a good tip at the end of the trip.


Edited by Kyle K - 10 Dec 2007 at 4:39pm
"I used to be somebody, now I'm somebody else." Bad Blake                  
IP IP Logged Send Private Message
dave
Master Poster
Master Poster
Avatar
D4

Joined: 29 Apr 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4190
  Quote dave Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 5:06pm
Here is the two I get asked the most;

What happens when you roll over and hit your head?
Answer; It hurts!

How come you don't have any pictures of yourself on your wall?
Answer; Uh, because I'm the one always taking the pictures, Duh!

Oh, one last one..
How do you get back up to your car when your done?
That one never deserves an answer.....
Nomad
IP IP Logged Send Private Message
STLboater
PP Junkie
PP Junkie
Avatar

Joined: 17 Aug 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 886
  Quote STLboater Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 5:28pm
Do you get wet in your drysuit?

Where do your legs go?

Do you have to flip your paddle to go backwards? 
Kayak Academy Whitewater Instructor
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
water wacko
Master Poster
Master Poster
Avatar
Team Jackson

Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Online Status: Online
Posts: 2109
  Quote water wacko Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 6:39pm
One thing I like telling people is that the fun part is right now, floating downstream and the paddle back up sucks. Some of my friends how 'rafting' or 'canoeing' was this weekend. I have since tired of explaining the subtle nuances.
"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." ~Howard Thurman
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
dave
Master Poster
Master Poster
Avatar
D4

Joined: 29 Apr 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 4190
  Quote dave Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 7:16pm
Ya, even after you tell them you went kayaking they still refer to it as canoing!
Nomad
IP IP Logged Send Private Message
Tobin
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator
Avatar

Joined: 14 Sep 2005
Location: United States
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1845
  Quote Tobin Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 9:35pm
 Blame the Canadians!
 Damn Canuks call it all canoeing
Sure?
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Willy
WW Industry
WW Industry
Avatar

Joined: 02 Jul 2005
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 113
  Quote Willy Replybullet Posted: 10 Dec 2007 at 11:16pm
Here's a canoe for ya.
 
Ruby Creek Boathouse LLC
Eddyline, Stohlquist, Bending Branches, Esquif, Skwoosh Cushions, Costa Del Mar shades, Danuu, CRG Rec Repair, Pakboats, YakGrips
http://rubycreekboathouse.blogspot.com/
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Guests
Guest
Guest

  Quote Guests Replybullet Posted: 11 Dec 2007 at 8:45am
"Are we going up the river or down the river?"

After we reach the first night's camp: "But we aren't at the putin! There were bathrooms at the putin."

"Isn't that cold?"
"Isn't that dangerous?"
"Did you do that on purpose?"

And my favorite, after a good weekend of kayaking: "How was rafting this weekend?"

And OF COURSE, you always have the people who try to relate to you with: "My (insert random family member here) owns a kayak" Oh really, what kind? "I don't know, we paddle it on the lake sometimes."
IP IP Logged Send Private Message
Weide
McNasty
McNasty
Avatar

Joined: 27 Jul 2006
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 322
  Quote Weide Replybullet Posted: 11 Dec 2007 at 4:41pm

Willy-

That Carlton Draft was made from beer!
 
Imagine that!
IP IP Logged Send Private Message Send Private Message
Guests
Guest
Guest

  Quote Guests Replybullet Posted: 11 Dec 2007 at 6:40pm
That may be the best add I've ever seen...
IP IP Logged Send Private Message
Post Reply Post New Topic
Printable version Printable version

Forum Jump
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot create polls in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum